Things you need to survive having a toddler

As you can tell I have a toddler.  In fact, as of now, I've had three.  I am not sure if we are insane enough to have another one.  But, there are things that I've found that you need or are useful if you do have a toddler in your life.

1: Never-ending patience.  But I'm being honest here, toddlers would try the patience of Mother Teresa.  It's their job.  You WILL lose your temper with them at some point.  I always try to be calm and then I feel crappy when I've lost my cool and got flustered.  Take a breath, step back and find your calm.  Then begin again.

2: Bribes.  As they get older, the bribes don't always work but you just have to alter them to suit.  At present, our bribes are marbles.  Do something good, get a marble.  When your jar is full of marbles, you get a treat.  Of course, youngest toddler doesn't understand really about the treat part, but he DOES like shiny marbles.

3: Selective hearing. Sometimes when they've asked you for something 114 times you'll wish you had NO hearing. When they're having a MAMMOTH tantrum, you'll definitely wish you couldn't hear it.  When they say something embarrassing/rude/like repeating a swear word (where would they have learnt that? not us, obviously) you may wish EVERYONE ELSE had no hearing.  But then, when they say something cute or lovable, you'll be glad you heard it.

4: Great friends. Mine have been my lifeline.  When I had my first child, I was the first in our circle of friends to have babies. Then things happened, people drifted, and I felt pretty isolated.  Our postnatal group was a great starting point and I made some lovely friends through that.  We stayed together for a good while, and everyone seemed to have their second child within that time.  Then I fell pregnant again.  And everyone else was going back to work, so I was back to feeling isolated again.  I went along to a coffee morning with a woman I met through baby massage, and it sort of "clicked".  I'll blog more about this group at a later date, but suddenly I'd found a group of women who I really like, who are a brilliant support, and most importantly, know when to take me out and ply me with copious amounts of gin. Which leads me on to:

5: GIN.  I'm not a big drinker (Don't listen to those who tell you different) but honestly, there's little better when you've had a shockingly hard week dealing with temper tantrums, potty training and every other toddler-related traumatic event than to go out, with said friends and have a large gin and tonic.  To be honest, if you don't drink at all, substitute the gin and tonic with fruit juice. Tea.  Coffee.  WATER even.  The point is, get out.  Get out there, with your friends, your partner, any grown ups whose company you enjoy and let your hair down.  Have a giggle, have a full on belly laugh.  Just get out there and remember that you are YOU and not just "<insert name of toddler>'s mum" 


There are other things you need; like strepsils because you'll have a sore throat; a washing machine which takes large loads and works like a trooper; a secret supply of chocolate, sweets or whatever else you need to take the edge off a particularly crappy moment; but what you mainly need is what I've said above, plus a whole world full of love.

Toddler Survival Tips

When you have a toddler, normal rules do not apply.  You find yourself dealing with situations you haven't been prepared for, and some you didn't think you'd ever see.  You deal with tantrums which have come about for the most tenuous of reasons, but it's usually because they are either tired, hungry, frustrated, or a combination of the previous three reasons.  The fact that you too are tired, hungry or frustrated does not ease the situation.  In fact, it usually exasperates it further.

Of course, it doesn't ease as they get older.  If you have more than one child, they bicker.  They fight, they moan and they GET UP TO MISCHIEF.  If you have three, as I do, you have any two constantly bickering.  If you have more than three, well THEN I'm told you bring about Armageddon. Honest ;o)

Dinner is in the oven; baked sweet and sour chicken with rice.  Once it's in, there's not a lot to do, so for once I thought I would sit down for five minutes and enjoy the peace and quiet in the conservatory.  And there was my mistake - peace and quiet.  When children are quiet, you better know now that they are up to no good.  My eldest was caught once, when she was being exceedingly quiet, smothering herself head to toe in Sudocrem.  And you know that stuff is impossibly hard to get off. 

Anyway, there I am in the conservatory enjoying the calm.  It isn't long before I discover that my youngest has emptied the entire contents of his sister's bean bag all over the floor.  And you know how frustratingly hard those little balls can be to collect back up. I managed it, but it took me AGES!

So, here's my thought. There's currently no Tips for Surviving toddlerdom anywhere. I think we should change that. Babies are easy. Pfft you feed it, change it, burp it, rock it, restart the cycle and begin again.  Toddlers, now THAT'S where it gets tricky.

So send your toddler-related stories, anecdotes and above all, tips for surviving this stage, and I'll add them to this all-new, lovely blog.

Or email me - toddlersurvivaltips@outlook.com